oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
