Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
