We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
