And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
