I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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