I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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