just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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