either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
