Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
