new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
