Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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