Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
