When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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