Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
thus making me awesome and them whores
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
