he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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