Soap is not a condiment
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
