The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
