Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
