I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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