My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
