This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
