Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
