Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
