You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
