First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
