standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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