It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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