just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
