"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
