I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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