I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
