We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
