tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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