Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
