Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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