Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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