perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
