I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
