My room smells like vodka and shame
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
