Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
