I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
