i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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