today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
