his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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