Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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