Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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