Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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