she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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