I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
