Your mouth is God's brothel.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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