do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
