Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
