kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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